The baby manual - For dummy fathers
This is the ultimate guide to learn how to operate your baby
Well, “operate” may not be the ideal word here, but when it comes to infants, first-time fathers almost feel like they are about to operate a machine from a different world. Here is a list of things that you are expected to do as a father. Though I will do my best to take you through all the how-tos, with experience you would know nothing works like ‘your style’.
How to clean poop
Let’s start with the best part. There is no escape here. Human beings eat and they poop. A baby will too. The only problem is she would not know how to clean it. This is where to make an entry. While you will surely use a diaper or an undergarment, poop is a nasty villain and will stick to your baby’s butt. Here are simple steps to clean it.
Ensure you keep the following before the process: A small waterproof mat, a disinfectant or warm water, dry cloth (2 in number) and a toy. Here is the process.
Put the dry cloth over the waterproof mat. If the process is happening on the bed, ensure that there is enough room on both sides. New-borns do not flip, but a three- or four-month-old surely does and it will be a mess.
Lay the baby on the dry cloth.
Keep on talking and playing with her. The toy comes in as your friend. Be a clown if need be. Distraction is key. While she is at it, slowly remove the undergarment/diaper while holding both her legs with one hand. This is tricky but you will get through it.
Next, use the dry cloth, dip it in a bit of warm water or disinfectant and sponge wipe the poop. Sponge wipe, do not rub or scrape. Be gentle. Private parts are sensitive and you do not want the baby to get hurt.
Use the warm water or disinfectant for another round of cleaning.
You did it. That’s a big milestone you passed.
How to wrap the baby
This is a really cool process and you will enjoy it unless you are a total jackass. You will need a wrapping cloth. This is how you will do it.
Hold a corner of the cloth and fold it inwards.
Place the baby’s neck on the fold. If you want to wrap the head too, place the baby such that the top of the head touches the fold.
Hold the tiny tot’s hands with your left arm such that it remains on her body and quickly cross wrap the cloth from the baby’s left shoulder to behind the right legs. Tuck the cloth in. Ensure that the legs are straight.
Next, you will do the same thing from the right side. The wrap must be a little tight as babies have the habit of wriggling out. They are strong and will do this. You will see what I mean.
Now, you have the ends from the edges sticking out below the legs. Straighten them together, wrap them around the legs and tie them, again a bit tight.
This is a skill like no other. You will see many jaws drop once you are done with it.
How to change diapers
Back to nasty business again. Diapers are usually categorised by age or weight. They come as pullovers as well as wraparounds. Wraparounds are good for the baby up to two months. You will need pullovers later.
While changing the diaper keep a dry cloth handy.
Place the baby on a flat comfortable surface.
Start with playing with the baby to distract her.
Give her a toy that she can fiddle with and keep on talking to her. Do not bloody overdo it. She will get irritated.
Now, unwrap or tear away the sides (depending upon the kind of the diaper), slowly remove the diaper and put it away. Let the baby be in the same lying position.
Wraparounds
Open the wraparounds, push them beneath the baby’s bum up to the waist and stick the ends on the diaper. Ensure that the diaper is tight enough so that there is no leakage from the sides and that the baby is comfortable.
For pullovers
Put one of your hands from the opposite ends of one of the legs of the diaper. Use the other hand to guide the baby’s leg into the diaper and hold it from the hand on which you have the diaper wrapped around.
Now pull the diaper up from the free hand.
Repeat the same with the other leg.
All these steps must be done within a few seconds. Do not worry, it seems like a lot of steps but is simple.
How to feed the baby
Babies start eating solid food when they are over six months of age. This is when you would have to help mom. She is sleep deprived and tired right from the time your baby was born. Feeding takes time and will further tire her.
Keep a bib (the cloth you will wrap around the baby’s neck), a small dry cloth, a small glass of water and a spoon. This is how you go about it.
Make the baby sit upright. You could use a pillow to rest her back. Alternatively, you can also use those sitting chairs for babies.
Wrap the bib around the baby’s neck and give her a toy.
Use the spoon to feed her. For the first year or two, I would suggest you feed her using a spoon as your hands would be too large for her little mouth.
Ensure that the morsels are small enough for her to take in.
Wipe the food sticking around the areas of the mouth with the bib.
Repeat the process till all is done.
How to massage the baby
Massaging the baby is the most crucial step to give strength as well as shape to your baby’s body. More than anything, the touch of your hands lets the baby know you better. You could do this with a variety of herbs and oils of your choice.
You will need a toy, a small bowl of massage oil of your preference and two pieces of dry cloth (big and small). This is how you will do it.
Sit straight with your legs open on the floor. Rest your back against a wall.
Lay the bigger cloth on your lap covering your lap and knee.
Now, lay the baby on your lap with her legs facing you.
Hand her a toy. Keep on talking and playing with her.
Take a little bit of oil on both your palms, rub them together and start applying it gently on the baby.
Once the oil is applied, massage the body parts. Ensure that each part is gently yet firmly massaged.
Cover these body parts from the front of the body: forehead, cheeks, chin, hands, stomach, chest and waist, legs, fingers, toes, heels and bottom of legs.
Now, flip the baby with her face facing downwards and massage the head, back including the spine, the groin, and back sides of the hands and legs.
Note: There are many ways of massaging. It is recommended that you first observe an experienced hand and then try doing this. I would also recommend consulting a physiotherapist before you take on massaging your baby.
How to bathe the baby
Another day, another task. You will not be able to do this for the first three months or so. This is a delicate task and needs utmost care. The best way you can learn is by looking at how your mom-in-law, wife, mother, or midwife does it. However, when you even have the slightest confidence that you can do it, jump right in. Massage the baby before bathing her.
You will need a towel, a dry wrapping cloth, a toy, a tiny stool for you to sit on, baby soap and a bucket of warm water. You have the option of adding some herbs to the water as well. This is how you will do it.
Sit on the small stool and get the bucket of water near you.
Lay the baby on your lap with her legs facing you.
Hand her a toy. Keep on talking and playing with her.
Test the water if it is warm enough for the baby. Never pour the water directly without testing.
Now, water the baby from head to toe. The point is to get her entire body warm with the water so that she is comfortable with the entire process.
Next, pour water to wet the entire body and apply soap on all the parts. Be careful about the eyes and private parts, they are delicate. No water goes into the nose too.
Once the process is over, rinse and pour water to ensure that the soap is all gone. One good technique is to place your hand over the body part you want to wet and then pour water over it.
Take the towel and immediately get the excess water off the body starting with the head and the face.
Then, wipe off every tiny drop of water and cover her in a towel.
Use the dry cloth to wrap her in or the towel itself should do.
Dance with her once done.
Your style of bathing your baby will change depending on her age.
How to put the baby to sleep
Well, there are no steps involved here. No one can teach you how to put your baby to sleep. New-borns have irregular sleep patterns for about 6 months. It is usual for them to sleep for about 17 hours a day, most of which is during the daytime. Here are few tips which will help you get your baby to sleep.
Keep a note of the baby’s sleeping hours, what time she sleeps and what time she wakes up and the number of hours she’s at it. This pattern will at least prepare you for your day chores.
Daytime must be spent playing with her. Do this as much as possible so that her sleep patterns shift to the night. But do not do this for the first 6 months. Let her be a baby, please.
Ensure that her surroundings are calm with little light around.
Know the sleeping signs like rubbing her eyes, slow blinking of eyes, being silent and the great yawn.
Be informed that the baby will wake up in an hour or two.
When the baby is about a year old, you will have to motivate her to sleep either by calming and comforting her or the good way Indian way of saying ‘Gabbar aaya’. Do not overdo the Gabbar act though.
How to babyproof the house
This is not about ‘operating your baby’ but ensuring that the environment around them is safe for them to function. Babies are as curious as cats. They want to explore, touch and feel things, no matter what size or shape they are. Babyproofing the house is often ignored. This is however one of the most important steps to ensure that your house does not hurt your baby. These are the things you would want to take care of before your baby starts to crawl.
Remove all the sharp and heavy objects (hanging or on the floor) from the reach and sight of the baby. Anything that is more than 200 grams is heavy.
Close all the low-reaching electrical points within the reach of a baby. They love to fiddle with switches and sockets.
If your furniture has protruding sharp edges, ensure that they are rounded off. If not, stick a sponge that will cushion the hit if it happens. Stools and other such furniture need to be pushed to the corners or be kept away.
Curtains need to be tucked to the sides and wrapped around so that babies do not reach for them and stumble.
Doors must be kept closed and bolted all the time. Having a stopper is the best. Drawers too must be shut all the time.
No objects should be lying around the floor.
Windows and balconies must be secured.
Cribs, if you are using one, should stand rock solid on the ground, have good fencing and should not have any things dangling on them.
The loose change that tends to lie around here and there must be put in its right place, the wallet.
Ask the ladies to be careful with the pins and clips. These tiny things tend to walk around the house and the baby will find them no matter how invisible they are to you.
So, there you go. Here is a ready manual on how to operate your baby for the first year. Do let me know if you found this helpful.
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